...and if you believe everything you read on the internet then you're a stinky gypsy (Google it).


So, why don't I check my "facts"?

Well, first of all, I don't have time to deal with fact checking because I have a job and other things to do than update this site with my magnificent opinions on a weekly basis...and secondly, they wouldn't exactly be "facts" if I had any doubt that they were indeed 100% true, now would they?

Some lame-asses in the past have emailed me asking me, in very colorful and well thought-out language, if I "really believe the things I write" in my articles...and I say: Yeah, sure...why the hell not?

You see, for me, there are all sorts of fact varieties, including: facts that I've made up, facts that I'm pretty sure are real, completely imagined facts, and then your run-of-the-mill good old solid facts -- Each of them being just as good as the last.




So, you might ask me, "What kind of foundation could I possibly have to back up these 'facts'?" Well, there's a little thing I like to call "THE LAST TIME I CHECKED..." and it goes a like this:


You: Do you really believe that women are useless?
Me: The last time I checked...

You: You can't possibly expect me to believe that organized religions are just out for my money, can you?
Me: The last time I checked...

You: Global warming is a serious issue; it's not just a fad.
Me: Well, the last time I checked...

Basically, everything I say is true and can be held as a fact as long as the last time I checked was NEVER.



Anyways, I'm pretty sure that nobody likes real facts except maybe total fucking book nerds (ie. people who are probably "too intelligent" for my website) and if you're a booky and want to get your learn on, then go read the fucking Encyclopedia Britannica, fuckwit.




For those of you who are just barely literate enough (ie. awesome enough) to understand/enjoy my pointless rants and rambling blather on a constant basis, I salute your dedication to pumping up my virtual self-erection...keep on reading.


Everyone else can lick my musty taint.





 


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