Greeting cards are bullshit; plain and simple. To prove my point, I only need to look back a couple of weeks to my birthday:


Yes, they're the same card, but not from the same person.

Can you believe that shit?

...and this is exactly why I can easily claim that greeting cards are impersonal and worthless. If two grandparents in two different states, from two different sides of the family can end up sending the same bunk-ass card to me then that doesn't say much for their sentiment.

My brother and I seem to be the only ones in our family who understand how worthless the idea of greeting cards are, and I know this because every time he sends me a card, it has nothing to do with anything in my life. He thinks alot like me in the fact that his cards consist of either annoying the shit out of me, making some kind of insult, or accusations of being gay. This year, I received a card from him that was obviously intended for a child that played some gay ass annoying song over and over until I closed the card. Good. I didn't want to read what was inside anyways.

I really don't care what's inside of the card because it doesn't really matter to me anymore unless it's money (or a check with my name on it). If it wasn't for the prospect of getting money, I wouldn't even put the effort into opening the envelope.

Look, I know it's my birthday, and I don't need you telling me how happy it is, or how sad you are that you missed it. I DON'T CARE. Prove to me that you're sorry with $5.00, or make my day happy with a $10 bill, otherwise fuck you. Hell, don't send me the card altogether, and just send me the $3.99 + postage you were going to spend on mailing it.

Another thing that pisses me off is a card with an animal on it expressing some bullshit sentiment, and then a witty remark inside:



Who gives a shit what these animals think?

Oh, and last time I checked, dogs and cats were more interested in licking their balls than expressing their feelings in a card for you...

So, since Hallmark and all the other bullshit companies are out there banking off of your stupidity, I figured it's time you gave yourself a break from blowing your money on shit that doesn't matter to anyone but you and I made some greeting cards that get MY point across (and make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside).
The best part? THEY'RE FREE!! And if you're worried about the folks receiving them being upset that you didn't spend money on them, I went ahead and tagged a nice $7.99 price tag on the back side so they know you put alot of love into your selection.

Move your mouse over to see inside.
If your browser doesn't support Javascript, fuck you.









Those were just a taste of the wonderful treats awaiting for you to experience within the FULL PACKAGE, AVAILABLE HERE!!

Definitely NOT SAFE FOR WORK...                              


ENJOY!





 


BACK


Don't waste your money or greeting cards, waste it on this crap: