A message to the Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts of America:

FUCK OFF!!



Yeah, that's right...fuck you. Quit knocking on my door trying to shill your shitty food. If I wanted candy, popcorn, or peanuts that tasted like stale ass, I'd pretend I was poor and go pick up some stale food from the Salvation Army or a homeless shelter.

No I don't want your shitty cookies!

Apparently I'm the only person in America who fucking hates these little bastards because I never hear anyone saying how much they can't stand the fuckers. Usually people feel guilty or feel like assholes about being mean to the kids so they put on a fake-ass cheesy smile and say "Oh gee golly, I would LOVE to buy some of your [shit]."

Not me. I keep it real. I tell those little shit-peddlers that they need to go find something better to do than spontoon their neighbors into buying their garbage food.



But to be fair, I guess I should be hailing my massive "FUCK YOU" at the parents rather than their little bastard kids because they're the ones pressuring the children into being door-to-door salesmen.

Do you know anyone who likes a salesman?

NO.

...because everyone hates those fuckers.

I would be willing to bet that even the Johova's Witnesses hate it when salesmen come to their door. So, why the fuck would anyone want to teach their kid how to pander overpriced cookies for money?



Do you know why this sign exists?



...because nobody wants you coming to their property trying to sell them shit they don't want.

Get that through your thick skull!



Should I really have to put up a sign for each of the fucking people that I obviously don't want at my house?









You know what...fuck this.
Maybe I can take care of this with one sign:




And another thing:

Why the fuck do I have to wait 6 fucking weeks for a $15 can of nuts that I could get at Wal-Mart for $5 and in less than 10 minutes?

What exactly takes so damn long to deliver a can of peanuts? Are they just waiting for them to expire first before they bring them to my house? And what makes it worse is that they don't bother to tell you that shit until AFTER you already signed your name and paid for the shit up front. What an absolute crock of shit.

I think that from now on, whenever someone comes to my house trying to sell me shit, I'm just going to ask them if I could interest them in a nice large jar of Self Respect. It'll only cost $50 and it should be ready for deliver in about... never.



The next time I hear a knock at my door, or a ring of the bell, this is the only Girl Scout that I want to see:



 

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Don't buy any of their shitty cookies, popcorn, or nuts...waste your money on something less useful: